I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
