Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
