dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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