sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
