He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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