I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
