The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
