is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
