You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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