i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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