Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
