the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
