i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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