This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
