We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
