just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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