I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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