you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
