I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you had me at cake vodka
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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