i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
