So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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