yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
