I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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