This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You pole danced in your parka.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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