Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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