so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
