that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
