u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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