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I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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