I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
