Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
