I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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