am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
