woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
