Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
