She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sext me about skeletons
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
