What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
