I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize