I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
