Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
