Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
