I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
