Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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