Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
