I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
