i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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