Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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