my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
