Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize