It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
