This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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