I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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