My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
