booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
