so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
