Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
