he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
