What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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