i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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