Non-Jews are for practice
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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