I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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