dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
