I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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