I'm going to jail i love you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
