There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize