What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
