Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
